im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
