Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
