You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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