I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
