I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
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