for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
