Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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