I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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