just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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