my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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