Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
