I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
