Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
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