Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
