i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
