Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
