I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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