my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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