what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
