In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
