You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
