I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
