they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
