just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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