the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
