Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
