im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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