I can text with my tongue
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
