i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
