Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Come share oat with me in your robe
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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