there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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