She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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