he puts the penis in happiness.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
