just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
