You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
