sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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