That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
