chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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