The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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