Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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