had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
