i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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