so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
