3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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