If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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