Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
