i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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