I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
