There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
