walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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