can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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