at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
