be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
