Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
