Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
