im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Randomize
