from now on my penis is your penis
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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