Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
