I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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