DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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