I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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