Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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