why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
