Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
