these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
