I bet he comes in French.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
