Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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