Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
