Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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