Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
