Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
