I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
