it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Rumble strips road head = magical
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
